Caught In The Draft
by BiteMeTechie
Summary: [CAT] How do you avoid an unwanted stint in the military? The Scarecrow is about to find out one of the most unorthodox methods.


A/N: CATverse. But you know that. Timeline can be found at: http/ www . freewebs . com / bitemetechie / catverse . html

-

It was just another normal, ordinary day for the Scarecrow. Or at least, normal and ordinary when measured against all the days he'd been through _recently_. He had been working away at his freshest test subject, enjoying the woman's _delightfully_ shrill screams about giant venomous spiders when the door to his lab burst open and the Captain--who clearly still hadn't learned the _rules_--all flailing arms and wide, worried eyes descended upon him, grabbing his shirt desperately.

"SQUISHY!" She screeched, looking as though she had death himself at her back. 

He _tried_ to shake himself out of her grasp but failed (the little minx had quite a grip on her when she was in a full blown panic), so he opted to glare at her. "What _now_?" 

She shook him, probably hoping to make it so that she wasn't the only one in this scenario who was wobbly. "They found me!"

Somewhere, deep inside him, the scientist and man who reveled in fear was secretly _enjoying_ the way her chest was heaving and her eyes were wide with unconcealed, naked _terror_.

He didn't mention it. "_Who?_" 

"The military!" She cried. "I've been called on active duty!" 

Active duty? She was a wanted criminal, how could she be called upon to defend the country with a _felony_ record? "_What_?" 

"It's the only way! I NEED A BABY! NOW!" 

"Would you--" She started trying to unbutton his shirt and he started swatting at her hands, which seemed to him, like a perfectly reasonable course of action as far as responses to someone attempting to strip him. "Stop that!"

"Just lie on your back. I'll be done in a minute." 

"STOP THAT! SHE DEMON! BACK!"

She tugged at the waistband of his pants and he forcefully pushed her away, so forcefully in fact, she stumbled with the strength of the shove and landed in a graceless heap. 

The Captain looked up at him with tears threatening to spill free from her eyes. "But they'll make me go to war!" 

He stared at her, incredulous. "You've been up against Batman and _war_ worries you?!" 

"Please, Squi--Jonathan...just lie down!" She was pleading.

Pleading just a little _too_ hard and a little _too_ convincingly.

Crane narrowed his eyes at her with suspicion. "They didn't really find you, did they?"

She just blinked at him innocently, as though the very idea that she would lie about this was so foreign it had broken all the cogs and wheels in her brain.

"This is another ploy to get a baby out of me." 

She shook herself out of her stupor. "Squishy, the baby would be out of _me._" 

"Don't argue semantics!"

"But--" 

Hands on his hips, he started down at her with his best 'Do not mess with Professor Crane' face. "Now, did they find you or not?" 

"Will it make a difference in your answer?" 

"No." 

The Captain looked heartbroken. "So you would let me die?" 

"Gladly," he replied, folding his arms over his chest. 

"I WILL HAVE A BABY!" She shouted, scrambling up off the floor.

"YOU WILL NOT HAVE **MINE**!" He replied with equal fervor, shoving her away a little harder than was absolutely necessary. 

She huffed angrily, to which he replied with a severe narrowing of the eyes.

The Captain's shoulders slumped in defeat and she started for the door. "_Fine._" 

---

Al and Techie had been waiting outside in the common room, attempting to wear holes in the floor with the strength of their pacing. When the Captain entered, they both looked up at her hopefully.

"Did it work?" 

"No," she replied sulkily. 

"Do you think it would make a difference if one of us asked?"

The Captain sighed and flopped down on the worn out sofa. "Are you kidding? If Al asked, he'd drop over of a heart attack." 

Techie looked thoughtfully at his door. "Don't they take 'death in the family' as an excuse or something?"

Al staggered back, scandalized. "We are **not** killing Squishykins!" 

"I...I wasn't going to suggest we do..." 

"Yes you were." 

"Well, he was going to let Captain _die_! It would serve him--" 

Techie was forced to pause in mid-diatribe when the Scarecrow's door was flung open and he stomped out.

"You!" He pointed at the Captain.

"Huh?" 

"Bedroom. NOW." 

All three henchgirls eyed each other oddly before the Captain shot up from the couch and scurried towards the Scarecrow's room, the door crashing shut behind her.

Techie and Al stared after them, but Al sulked, stubbing her toe into the ground. "Wish _I'd_ been called on active duty."

-

A/N: I highly doubt they slept together. Personally, I think Crane would have just given her a "This woman is suffering from severe schizophrenia and should not be allowed near any firearms" doctor's note…but imagine what you will.


End file.
